Is there anyone in your life that you’re struggling to connect with? Someone you like or love, but you keep feeling as if you’re missing each other or simply not connecting on the same wavelength?
In my experience, when I feel disconnected from someone I love is because there’s some kind of misalignment that often comes up when either of us is withhold what we’re truly feeling, thinking of wanting or expressing it in a way that the other person cannot understand it.
This is one of the reasons I decided to minimize the time I spend connecting with people via email, Whatsapp, text messaging, and social media channels, and more time having in person, real-time, conversations where the other person and I can express ourselves more fully.
The result is I get to connect with fewer people, but each one of these interactions is deeper, more real, authentic, and quite often, heart-directed. For this is what my heart ultimately longs for: another real, human heartbeat that I can feel connected to.
To help you feel more connected to those you love, today I’d like to share a set of 15 statements that you can use to build deeper, more intimate, relationships in all areas of your life. They are part of a quiz contained in Dr. Susan Campbell’s book Getting Real.
When expressed from a real, authentic and truthful space, these statements can become powerful communication tools that will have a great impact across all your relationships. They will also help you bring much-needed healing to any relationship you might be struggling with!
The 15 Statements Necessary for Relationship Success
- Hearing you say_________, I feel_______. (e.g. Hearing you say, “When are you going to fix the fence,” I feel some resistance coming up in me.)
- I want you to listen and hear me out before responding.
- I’m sorry. If I had it to do over, I would….
- Tell me more about why you feel/think/see it that way. (useful when you do not immediately agree with something)
- I didn’t mean to hurt you. What I wish I’d been able to communicate is….
- I’d like to make it up to you/to make amends.
- Could we sit down and talk about something that’s on my mind?
- I’m feeling unfinished about that recent conversation between us. Could we talk about it?
- I need some time before I respond to you.
- I see it differently than that. May I tell you how I see it?
- I think/favor/want____.What do you think/favor/want?
- I appreciate you for______(something specific the other person did or said).
- I want______How does that work for you? (Or “Is this something you can give?”)
- I feel crummy about what just happened. Can we talk about it?
- I notice myself getting defensive. I think I’m getting triggered.
The reason these statements work is that they help you express your present-time feelings and emotions. This is the key part of the communication that is most often left out, especially when using social media or digital message technologies. Using them regularly will help you clear up any old misunderstandings from recent unsatisfying interactions.
More importantly, they will bring your awareness into the present moment. When you are aware of your present-time feelings and reactions, you’re more real in your interactions, and this will lead to feeling more connected to others and having a sense of confidence that will inevitably lead to more successful, authentic, loving relationships in all areas of your life.
Which of these statements can you start using today to start feeling more connected to others?
Feel free to leave me your comments below.
From my heart to yours,
Photo by Helena Lopes