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THE PARADOX OF LOVE: The more you try to get others to love you, the more unloved you feel. The harder you try to communicate a loving and likable image of yourself so that other people won’t find out how unloved and unworthy you really feel, the more unworthy and unloved you feel inside. The […]

Our consumer-driven culture encourages us to believe in what is typically referred to as the “lie of scarcity” or the idea that there’s not enough material goods or resources to go around. Buying into this belief system traps us into thinking that who we are isn’t enough and that no matter how hard we work, […]

Disney’s 1994 classic, ‘The Lion King’ introduced us to many African cultural and linguistic references. The most iconic phrase used in the film is without a doubt ‘Hakuna Matata,’ an expression in Swahili which roughly translated means, “no worry.” What makes Hakuna Matata a “problem-free philosophy” is the deeper understanding from which it stems: that […]

One of the main reasons the majority of us are not able to transcend our problems is because they have become part of our identity or set of beliefs about who we are. Deep within, there’s a part of us that refuses to let go of the story we’ve grown so used to telling ourselves […]

Starting a new relationship, getting engaged or married. A breakup, a divorce or the death of a spouse. A major illness, disability or change in financial status. A sickness or the passing of a good friend, family member or co-worker. Starting a new job, being promoted, fired or retiring. Changing career paths or deciding to […]

What we fear the most is not sin, disease, or death. What we most fear isn’t rejection, judgment or abandonment. Nor do we fear failure, being laughed at, criticized or judged. More than anything, what we fear most is being seen as we really are. Because it takes courage to show ourselves when we feel […]

According to Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Relationship Institute, what makes or break a relationship is not conflict itself but how conflict is handled. By studying married couples over several decades, Dr. Gottman concluded that there are four types of behaviors that will kill any relationship. He calls them, “The Four Horsemen of Relationship […]

When I was a boy, my mother would often fill her bathtub with warm soapy water and let me play with my toys for hours on end. Since our main bathroom only had a shower and the options were limited, this simple ritual always made me feel that I was very special to her. Giving […]

Mary hasn’t always felt disconnected from her job – relative to the twenty years that she has been a highly successful sales manager, she recently started to feel as if she is living an unfulfilling life. The trouble began when she received a big promotion that nearly doubled her income. After the initial excitement wore […]

One of the most powerful questions I often ask my clients is, “What is your heart longing for and how are you denying it?” Asking yourself this same question, especially when you’re feeling most confused or frustrated, can often put you in touch with that part of you that is misaligned with your desire. One […]

The path to building a deeply loving, meaningful and long-lasting romantic relationship requires that we move from the initial stage of physical attraction, towards greater emotional intimacy and connection. Moving from lust to love requires that we surrender all of our pre-conceived ideas of what a romantic relationship should look and feel like, and start […]

Last week, I visited a Buddhist retreat center just outside of Granada. As I walked around, I noticed there were many inscriptions with mantras and prayers for dispelling darkness. I couldn’t resist asking one of the nuns about their importance. Smiling at me, she replied, “The more you embrace your light, the more you’ll need […]